Carillon Magazine

Reviews from the magazine

Issue 16

Jesus Loves Miss Amberstone
Simon Robson

Self-published A4 comb-bound
Reviewed by Gloria Moreno-Castillo

The imaginary Miss Amberstone is a trendy, with-it, naughty "gal", through whom the poet voices his desire for having been a bit naughtier himself. Or perhaps it's me. I'm a most respectable pensioner and Miss Amberstone makes me feel there's a lot I'm missing out in life.

The barmaid Sharon has a new elephant tattoo,
Ears flapping, in too intimate a place to show us fully.

Wearing an eye patch to parties and fetes,
A parrot on her shoulder
And a three-cornered hat.

When I read the title I groaned, oh no, not a pious tract – but then that's part of the joke and the title-poem is utterly outrageous, utterly non- P.C. Good. So is the poet's other self, outrageous and self-deprecating.

I wonder what sort of reader Simon Robson has in mind. He has possibly enjoyed himself so much putting together this home-made collection, perhaps for his friends in Aldershot, that he hasn't given it much thought.

When he comes round to turning it into a less unwieldy affair he could edit out repetitions and some less funny bits – and makes sure that he keeps "Miss Amberstone Says She Can't Stand the French", "Jim Ginger-Top", Miss Amberstone is in a Black, Ugly Mood To- night" and "My Mind is Like a River of Chocolate".